1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and
a laxative on the same night.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it
very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than
standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural
stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've
never tried before.
6. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is
not a nice person.
7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite
government program.
8. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts
feel so good.
9. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
10. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness
of the waist change places.
11. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
12. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away
three weeks before you need it
13. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to
recognize a mistake when you make it again.
14. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
15. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to
the real world.
16. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the
human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
"meetings."
17. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and
"mental illness."
18. People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
19. You should not confuse your career with your life.
20. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and
dance.
21. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
22. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
23. You should never say anything to a woman that even
remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual
baby emerging from her at that moment.
24. Your friends love you anyway.
25. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something
new.
26. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large
group of professionals built the Titanic..