FORGIVENESS

FORGIVENESS IS AN ACT OF KINDNESS that we may extend to ourselves or another. Yet it may be one of the hardest lessons we have to learn, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. It requires great strength, understanding, compassion and patience. It is a state of complete acceptance of 'what is' and transmutation of any previous judgments or fears.

But what does this mean? How do we truly forgive and let go? I believe the answer is in our judgments and in the act of forgiving ourselves.

In the dictionary, forgiveness is defined as "compassionate feelings that support a willingness to forgive, or excuse a mistake or offense. It means to cease to feel resentment towards or grant pardon for a particular act or person." The two key emotions involved are compassion or resentment. Resentment is a natural byproduct of our judgments and when present there is no room for forgiveness; it is energy consuming, toxic and blocks us from moving forward. Resentment suffocates any forgiveness and locks people in the past.

Compassion is the opposite emotion to resentment. It is a higher energy emotion which is kind, gentle and always patient. Compassion understands that we are all one and knows that we are all here to learn and grow the best way we know how... through experience. It honors mistakes as a natural part of our lives and sees them as needed for any real growth.

Compassion remembers that there are always two sides to every story and what we perceive to be true may not be true in the eyes of another. It understands that everything that we attract into our lives serves a purpose. What it also knows is that we are not intended to be punished or wronged in any way, just that we're here to learn and grow each and everyday.

But how does one bridge the gap between resentments and true forgiveness? I believe the answer is in our judgments. We need to learn to let go of our judgments by forgiving ourselves. Many would disagree with this statement and argue that suggesting we need to forgive ourselves somehow implies we are fundamentally flawed. This is not the case. In truth, an experience is neither 'good' nor 'bad' and as such does not require a judgment. It's our mind that seeks to place judgments upon experiences so that it may be able to understand, measure, and assimilate the information it is taking in. However, without the mind's judgments, forgiveness is never required.

When I first started my journey as an Energy Medicine Practitioner, I had many mentors. One of them, who I deeply respect, taught me an invaluable lesson about protecting myself energetically when working with clients. She said to me, "Every time we judge another, we give ourselves permission to take on their stuff. To be free from these energies, one must release all judgments." At the time, I did not understand the magnitude of her statement. But slowly as my journey as a Healer progressed, I started to grasp the weight of her wisdom.

We all have innocence and good within us waiting to be seen. We can feel this goodness when we are with someone who mirrors our highest potential back to us. You know you are in the presence of someone who is doing this when you feel alive around them. They make you feel so comfortable that you are free to be your real, authentic self, without judgment. Someone who no matter what, sees you and accepts you just as you are. This is a real gift that each of us can give another and has the power to change lives. But when we hold judgments towards someone we lose sight of that person's true essence. These judgments stop us from seeing the good in a person which is inherent to each of us.

We've all heard the saying that some people can bring out the worst or the best in us, depending on who they are. As well, what might initially be character traits that attract us to an individual can soon turn into what annoys us most about them! This happens because in the beginning it is easy to shine the light of goodness on someone when we have no disappointments or judgments. But over time, through broken expectations and numerous disappointments we start to shine the light of judgment upon them instead. The end result is that we lose the feeling of being uplifted when we think about that individual.

Shining the light of goodness for others is easily demonstrated with children. For some reason, it is more natural to hold children in the light of innocence. This is why, as parents, children can seem to do no wrong and they are able to hold their children in the highest of esteem. In some cases, a parent continues to hold this light for their children in spite of them maturing into an adult. But why can't we hold this same space for others? Why are we so incredibly judgmental towards each another?

I believe the answer is in our judgments towards ourselves and the expectations we place on others. What many may not realize is that when we are in a place of judging others, we are also judging ourselves. "We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are" Anais Nin. Meaning, what you see in another you, you may also be seeing in yourself. The problem is that most judgments we hold are not a true representation of who we are or the people we are judging. They are only a mirror reflection of the beliefs we hold about ourselves, our lives and the people around us. These beliefs can hold us in the highest of esteem or the lowest of dark places depending on their source. But like anything, we can change our lives when we change our thoughts and beliefs about ourselves.

Judgments may also be formed when we hold expectations on how we wish to see others behave. People are people and not everyone is like us. We are all unique and as such have our own beliefs, hearts, bodies and minds. Because of this, people may not always behave the way we expect and this can be hard to accept. But the highest expression of love is allowing others to be who they truly are. No judgments. No expectations. Just freedom to be and live the way they choose. The good news is, when we are able to do this, we are also shining the same light upon ourselves; because ultimately what we do to others we are also doing to ourselves.

Try and visualize it like this: It's kind of like we are all silk nets flowing in the wind and life is meant to flow through us. Every time we hold a judgment towards something, we catch that experience within our net. Over time, if we continue to do this, our net becomes clogged and heavy. The material no longer flows freely and it becomes more difficult to see through its mesh. The net becomes toxic, heavy and depleted just like us humans can become. In order to free these trapped elements, we only have to forgive ourselves for holding a judgment towards the experience to begin with. Then, that which has been stuck is freed to flow through us as it was naturally intended.

Whether we are aware of it or not people intuit our judgments on them. Staying in the present moment helps eliminate this from happening. In this space, judgments and expectations cannot exist. In order to hold a judgment we have to live in the past and to have expectations we've already decided what the future should look like. But if we let life unfold naturally it frees everyone involved to behave and be who they truly are. Each individual or situation can bring out the worst or the best in us. But through forgiveness and releasing judgments, we can learn to bring out the best in everyone.

Staying present is also very powerful in transforming resentments into forgiveness. It's a "state of allowing" which simply means allowing life to move through us. This is our natural and intended way of being. It is a state of total aliveness and acceptance of our selves and our lives. As soon as we move out of the present we move into judgment; judgment about the past or the future. The past is meant to be a place of reflection of lessons learned and the future is our untapped possibilities of what's to come. But the mind gets in the way! Through judgments we hold onto experiences instead of allowing them to move through us and this takes us out of the present moment. We hold the judgment within our hearts, our minds and our bodies. This makes us tired, depleted and toxic just like our silk nets. The end result is harbored resentments.

So what have I learned forgiveness really means? I believe it is transcendence of any judgment through forgiveness for oneself. To do so, there has to be something within our lives to forgive and this is not always easy. But to truly forgive another, we have to forgive ourselves. However forgiveness is not about freeing us from being judged, it's about freeing the judgment from us so that we can be free!